Inspiration for Silverskys An article and a friendship

September 8, 2026

Learn how an article about the elderly prompted the creation of Silverskys.

Back in 2013, I read an article which highlighted how many of the elderly were ringing a business line after hours to hear a human voice even though it was just an answering machine. The elderly can go days without hearing another human being and this, together with her own feeling of loneliness, inspired Dame Esther Rantzen to set up Silverline.

Silverline would connect volunteers to an elderly person, and they would speak every week by telephone for an hour or so, They would never meet and all calls were routed through a central system and recorded. Certain topics were to be avoided – medical and financial advice or anything that could endanger either party. Silverline staff would listen occasionally to the recordings just to check everything was as it should be.

I was one of the early volunteers and after a basic training was set up with Joan.

I was apprehensive before I made my first call. There was little “matching” Silverline could do as the service was in its infancy. Would we get on? Would conversation soon dry up? How difficult would it be to make a connection via a telephone call?

My conception was that Joan would likely be a lonely person with little to engage her and I might be a distraction. This was a misconception.

Joan was in her early 70’s, married to Chris, childless and living in Epsom. She had few relatives – a niece living in Staffordshire, a nephew in South Africa and a couple related to Chris in Portsmouth. That was the extent of it. She’d signed up to Silverline to ease her loneliness and to engage with someone new.

She’d been a dancer and spent several years in America as an air stewardess when air travel was used by the few rather than the many as it is today. She returned to the UK and worked as a nurse for many years.

She was intelligent with opinions on most world affairs. I may have thought that after a few calls, conversation would become a struggle. A friendship built on the telephone is unlike most friendships. There’s no body language to be interpreted or expressions to read and we’d been thrust together rather than choosing to be friends naturally.

Conversations with Joan were never a struggle. Although I would be praised when telling others what I was doing, I soon realised that I was receiving as much as giving and we fell into an easy and reciprocal relationship.

Joan’s life had its challenges. Her marriage was not a particularly happy one. She had never been able to conceive and that created issues, as did Chris’ drinking. He was far less interested in engaging with others and whenever Joan tried to persuade him to talk to me, his reluctance was obvious.

Joan was always looking for engagement, such as hosting at home a French conversation and bible study group. These never lasted long as I suspect attendees weren’t as enthusiastic or as committed as she was. Her attempts to connect with neighbours were hampered by the common view that an elderly neighbour can become a nuisance.

Joan was a user of modern technology and connected digitally via her smart phone and iPad. I admired her desire to learn and get the most from these devices. She would become frustrated when they didn’t work as expected and these problems sometimes dominated our weekly conversations.

Another issue for Joan was that as time went by, so she found it harder to make a decision. She would seek my advice even with simple decisions such as whether to buy this or that. More difficult was when she knew she had to be more assertive normally when dealing with a cleaner or trying to make a lifestyle decision.

Joan’s life went through fundamental changes. She had cancer treatment for a lump found in her breast and lost Chris after he spent a short time in a care home. Her world shrank as her mobility became more of an issue. Her days became dominated by pain in her legs and nights by insomnia.

Like many of her age, one day became much like the previous one, but rarely did she complain. The only times she ever betrayed annoyance with me was when she confessed to some issue or other and I would respond with something like “I imagine that must be very difficult” and she would respond, “No, you can’t imagine.”

After about 10 years of contacting Joan via the Silverline system, I agreed to leave the service and phone her directly. She had become increasingly concerned that as our conversations were being recorded, this could have consequences. She had a paranoia that something disclosed to me would be referred to social services and she would be forced into care.

There were times when I would try to ring Joan and both numbers would go to voicemail. I’d try a couple of times more and often she would answer. If she didn’t, I’d send a message on Whats App, and she’d respond saying she’d either been unable to get to the phone in time or hadn’t heard it ringing.

In August, Joan didn’t answer or respond to Whats App. It was the same the following week and I became concerned. After a few days when there was still no contact, I decided to try and visit her. It had always been my intention that if ever Joan was admitted to hospital, I would visit and meet her in person for the first time.

I had her address because I’d sent her various gifts, the most successful of which was an Alexa which she used constantly. When I arrived at the house, there was post in the porch and she wasn’t in her ground floor bedroom where she spent most of her day.

I enquired at her neighbour’s house and was told she had suffered a stroke and been taken to St Helliers hospital.

There was no record of her at St Helliers or at Epsom General. They mentioned she may have been transferred to one of the two specialist stroke hospitals in London. Again, no record which might seem odd but apparently you are hard to trace once you’ve left the hospital system.

Over the next few days, I tried care homes and funeral directors in Epsom – all with no success. Enquiries at crematoriums, cemeteries and death notices were also unsuccessful. It was as if Joan had disappeared. I’ve left messages on her landline, iPhone and Whats App in the hope that someone may contact me.

As I mentioned at the start of this piece, Joan became the spark that made me think of founding Silverskys. Although her issues were those I had witnessed in other elderly people, she gave me a greater understanding. She felt her voice or opinions were not listened to; her decision making became increasingly difficult; she sought engagement and connection with others and she was lonely.

She was a very good example of someone trying hard not to fade in the background and what we are trying to change with Silverskys. Why should the elderly become largely irrelevant? Despite being housebound, Joan was constantly seeking connection with the outside world.

 I will always appreciative that it was Joan who sowed the seed to what I hope Silverskys will become. But more than that, I will be forever grateful for the friendship I had with Joan, and I will miss the weekly conversations. I hope I will find out what has happened and where she has been laid to rest so I can pay last respects.

This article outlines what our ambitions are and I hope you help us along the way. Feel free to make a contribution to any of our articles – editorial@silverskys.com – it will be appreciated.