The Power of Self-Compassion. Sometimes you need to be kind to yourself.

June 11, 2025

Discover the benefits of being kind to yourself.

Be Kind to Yourself: The Power of Self-Compassion

When a friend is struggling, we know what to do — offer empathy, encouragement, and support. But when we’re the ones feeling defeated, it’s much harder to extend that same kindness inward.

We can be brutal self-critics. Yet research shows that people who practice self-compassion — treating themselves with the same care they’d offer a friend — are more resilient in the face of stress and setbacks.

“We can say, ‘I made a mistake,’ instead of, ‘I am a mistake,’” says Dr. Kristin Neff, a psychologist who’s spent over 20 years studying self-compassion.

Unlike self-esteem, which relies on self-judgment, self-compassion means showing up for yourself with kindness, even when you fall short. It’s grounded in mindfulness — the ability to recognize pain without over-identifying with it or getting stuck.

Self-compassion isn’t about self-pity. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about acknowledging that being human means being imperfect — and that suffering isn’t a personal failure, it’s something we all go through.

Common Misunderstandings

• Myth 1: It kills motivation. In reality, self-kindness fuels growth better than harsh criticism ever could. People are more likely to change when they feel supported, not shamed.

• Myth 2: It’s self-indulgent. No — it’s the opposite of giving in. True self-compassion helps prevent burnout and makes us more capable of showing up for others.

• Myth 3: It’s the same as self-care. While self-care might mean a break or a warm bath, self-compassion is deeper — it’s how you treat yourself during emotional pain. It’s about courage, not comfort.

In short: being kind to yourself isn’t a luxury. It’s a skill — one that can make a real difference when life gets hard.

How to Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion isn’t about bubble baths and affirmations. It’s about how you treat yourself when things fall apart. Here’s how to build it into your daily life — in real, practical terms:

1. Talk to Yourself Like You’d Talk to a Friend

Most people are kinder to others than to themselves. Flip the script. When you mess up or feel overwhelmed, ask:

“What would I say to someone I care about in this situation?”

Then say that to yourself. Literally. Out loud if it helps.

2. Notice What You’re Feeling — and Let It Be

Don’t bury or bulldoze your emotions. Pause and ask:

• What am I feeling right now?
• Where is it showing up in my body?

Tight chest? Knot in your stomach? That’s your body’s signal something matters. Don’t fight it. Just notice it.

3. Challenge the Inner Critic

Check the story behind your suffering. Are you thinking:

• “I’m not good enough”
• “I should be doing more”
• “There’s something wrong with me”?

These aren’t facts. They’re harsh narratives. And they’re probably not true.

4. Offer Yourself What You Need

Ask:

What does the hurting part of me need right now?

A kind word? Forgiveness? A break? A reminder that you’re human?

Put a hand on your heart. Take a breath. Say something simple but kind:

“You’re doing the best you can.”
“It’s okay to feel this.”
“You’re not alone.”

Even 20 seconds of this matters. Studies show it actually lowers stress.

5. Take a Compassion Break (Use RAIN)

Try psychologist Tara Brach’s RAIN method:

• Recognize what’s happening
• Allow the feeling to be there
• Investigate with gentle curiosity
• Nurture yourself with kindness

Use it in tough moments instead of spiralling.

6. Turn Compassion Outward

Being kind to yourself helps you be kind to others. That can mean:

• Setting better boundaries
• Showing up for people who need you
• Getting involved in causes that matter
• Saying “no” when something isn’t right

Self-compassion isn’t soft. It’s strong. Fierce, even — like a protective force for yourself and the world around you.

If you’ve spent years beating yourself up, this won’t feel natural at first. But it’s a skill. You can learn it. Start small. Keep practicing. You’ll feel the shift.

You may also be interested in our article Staying Positive